On Civility and Shopping with Kids

ISBN 978-0312281182
St. Martin's Press, Feb. 2002

Shopping with kids (however old they may be) evokes real drama.  This was the case today after school, running in for a few groceries at the store. You can just imagine two kids--one quickly pushing the cart, and the other sarcastically trying to help. Jokes and mockery, competing for attention (although just acting their age)…what might have taken 5 minutes, turned into about 25. So, this is normal behavior for tired kids at a store after school, right?

Following the teasing in the parking lot, quarrelling over how to share a candy bar--okay, I was part of that--and, fighting traffic, I was reminded of the national media coverage today on the topic of "civility".  Maybe this is something I need to read about and pass on to my children!

One author and civility expert in the news today was Dr. P.M. Forni. He is an award-winning professor at John Hopkins University. His book, Choosing Civility, was written based on these 25 rules:

1. Pay attention
2. Acknowledge others
3. Think the best
4. Listen
5. Be inclusive
6. Speak kindly
7. Don't speak ill
8. Accept and give praise
9. Respect even a subtle "no"
10. Respect others' opinions
11. Mind your body
12. Be agreeable
13. Keep it down (and rediscover silence)
14. Respect other people's time
15. Respect other people's space
16. Apologize earnestly
17. Assert yourself
18. Avoid personal questions
19. Care for your guests
20. Be a considerate guest
21. Think twice before asking for favors
22. Refrain from idle complaints
23. Accept and give constructive criticism
24. Respect the environment and be gentle
25. Don't shift responsibility and blame

 We could have used more of #13 at the store, and less #17. Just sayin'.

As citizens we have to be more thoughtful and more educated and more informed. I turn on the TV and I see these grown people screaming at each other, and I think, well, if we don't get our civility back, we're in trouble. ~Emmylou Harris

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.  ~Author Unknown

Teaching civility is an obligation of the family. ~Stephen Carter

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29)